Hah. I provoked Ryu into this post.

Dugg: http://digg.com/movies/Top_10_Reasons_Why_Pirates_3_Actually_Kicks_Ass

phill,

this is dead on! i saw it last night and a few of my friends were like “eh it sucked, i didn’t like all the plot lines” blah blah. the story was great! it managed to remain funny with out getting cheesy or campy (ala spiderman 3), and as you said the ending was very tight and graceful. i am assuming you stuck around until after the credits?

I walked into the movie theatre, saw the hordes of teenagers dressed as pirates, and walked out. Ill go in a week or two when its not that crowded. Theres no way I’m sitting next to someone who I dont know who is dressed like a friggin pirate.(Call me anti-social, but you know how teenagers get when they are in packs. Even Im a teenager and Ive realized this!!) Needless to say, I shouldn’t be talking cause I did dress up for Star wars Ep III….

I do look forward to seeing it!

Ah well you said it !! Geoffrey Rush, Jack Sparrow & Davy Jones are the soul of Pirates and now I cant wait to watch this !! Excellent review btw !!
Nice to see you do things besides mac too .. !

Damn, I loved the film score too! It IS the BEST, seriously. It’s been on rotation since I came outta that cinema, and that was 3 days ago.

Haha, funny post. I saw the movie last night and really enjoyed it. Now I know this is cliché, but it wasn’t quite as good as the first. However, it was fun and still had most of that “pirates” charm.

skimpson, unfortunately I didn’t stick around. Doh! I’m assuming there was something pretty sweet at the end.

Good excuse to go watch it again.

Disney needs to come out with Pirates movies more often. At least once a year. Becaue every time they do, girls hit on me a lot more. I’m not sure why.

Their baby looks kinda weird… can’t wait for lil’ kid pirates 4

Well, I guess it was okay. The plotline sucked, but your points were true.

Pirates 2 was the Empire Strikes Back of pirate movies. Fortunately Pirates 3 is the Return of the Jedi of pirate movies. One of the better popcorn flicks and probably the best one we’ll have this summer (My hopes for Live Free or Die Hard dwindled as soon as I saw that guy from the Mac commercials)

Love the review! I saw it yesterday morning with a packed theatre of people dressed as pirates (private showing). It was great! Of course we understood why they didn’t allow us to wear weapons when the movie started a few minutes late, and then they cut short the scene after the credits so they could get ready for the next showing.

I will definitely be purchasing the DVD when it comes out so I can watch it over and over again!

http://one.revver.com/watch/281978

Dug. Linked. Kudos. ‘Nuff said.

Yea i agree with you totally i loved this far better than the other 3 major releases i think it was better than the other 2 pirates films Good review/natter!!!

I saw this twice in two days, in the best cinema here in Italy (maybe Europe), the Arcadia of Melzo: 98×52 feet screen (that’s about 5 096 square feet!), DLP projector, THX certification and woofers that makes your seat tremble… That’s how a popcorn movie should be seen!

I’m glad you liked as I did. I mostly agree with what you wrote!

A message to everyone: if you ever come close to Milan, Italy, don’t forget to check Arcadia out: it worths the trip! (Ok, that would be in Italian language but, hey, we have the best dubbers in the world!)

[...] “It’s perfect popcorn fun. Look, even I still don’t believe it. So to convince myself that I’m not high off of Bruckheimer’s CGI fumes, I worked on a list. Here are ten reasons why Pirates 3 actually kicked ass”read more | digg story Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]

I must say, you put that much better than I could think to come up with why I thought it was great. I think being with my mates to see it (and after how much they complained about the second film being so sh!te) that this film was a pleasant surprise. I completely agree with your notions about the acting ability of Orlando Bloom, and about Spider-man 3!

this reminds me of the ‘rodney king’ trial – they police defense attorneys stop-framed the assault caught on video to justify everything that was happening on screen –

you can analyze a clip/movie and break it down and defend it all you want -

but the end result of sitting there watching ‘pirates’ was a zen like numbness – i saw it in a packed theatre = no laughs, people yawning, checking watches, etc.

I think the movie was awesome, although I liked the first two a bit more. I couldn’t believe I was there, watching it. Johnny DEPP it’s awesome, I think he deserves an oscar for sure!!!and Geoffrey Rush…no comments, he was fantastic. Orlando Bloom….I didn’t liked him much, I have to say near Johnny Depp he seems like a boy who is trying to give his best. I loved Keira Knightley, and I can figured it out why there’s people who hate her.
Good argument boy!!I liked it.

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I felt the same way about pirates 2, and I fell the need to watch it again to see if it was really that bad. Great list.

FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST What do I do for a living? FIRST FIRST

Awesome. Reminded me of 24 with Bauer and co. 2 > 1 > 3 simpsons imo excited 133t System FoReVeR!

[...] read more | digg story [...]

This page has just kicked its ass. Sorry. Error 401 repeat say no cheese malakian death!

uuyuiiu, I don’t even know where to begin. Oh wait, I do. What the heck are you trying to say?

Finally!!! Someone writes a review and actually thinks in terms larger than “sucks”, “stupid”, “hate”, “worse than the others”, “I can’t believe I paid money for that” … need I go on? People are not going to the movies any longer to have fun; they’d rather “text” on their phone during the majority of it (cuz talking on it is rude), and then they log on to their favorite blog site and talk about everything they hated about the film. And oh yea, most of them can’t spell worth sh*t!! I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I’m going to and I’m gonna have a damn good time!!! (disclaimer – my mispelled words are on purpose.)

[...] Top 10 Reasons Why Pirates 3 Actually Kicks Ass Filed under: Uncategorized — recar @ 6:45 pm Top 10 Reasons Why Pirates 3 Actually Kicks Ass “It’s perfect popcorn fun. Look, even I still don’t believe it. So to convince myself that I’m not high off of Bruckheimer’s CGI fumes, I worked on a list. Here are ten reasons why Pirates 3 actually kicked ass”[movies] [news] [entertainment] [...]

Well most of the criticism is from people who are expecting it to be something other than the continuation of the series. Of course its going to be like the other movies how would it advance the plot if it wasn’t.

This movie actually sucks ass. 2 hours of random pirate chit-chat just to introduce the final awesome battle that everyone was just hoping to see.

I slept for 70% of it.

[...] Written by Phillryu [...]

I am definitely inclined to agree. However, I think a big reason that this movie was much better than the second one was that because even in some of the silly parts, they at least took it seriously. In Pirates 2, that whole tribal/island scene was just ridiculously. Thank you for posting this!

Can’t wait to watch it out

[...] Written by Phillryu [...]

Keira Knightley was a reason to see this film.

Honestly though, I really liked this film, and I think your points were dead on

I agree with you whole-heartedly. I dont know what all the bitching was about, It was a epic finale to an awesome trilogy. Much more like the first than the second, and come to think of it, your right, it almost does redeem the second movie

You’re a fucking idiot. This movie was absolute trash. If you call this popcorn fun, but not Spider-man 3. And believe Shrek 3 was better than Spider-man 3, you’re a fucking moron. Go die in a fire please.

X,

I don’t feel quite up to reviewing Shrek and Spiderman to this degree, but I’ll give you my one sentences summaries.

Shrek 3: All right, consistently OK, and disappointing mainly because Shrek 2 was so ball bustingly funny. And Shrek the Third was not.

Spiderman 3: Honestly, pretty good popcorn fun. You know what seriously just ruined it completely for me? The venom suit scenes. Feel free to call me out for nitpicking, but those scenes were sooooooo painful, they brought the whole movie down for me. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it was for me.

(And hey, on my side, I won’t really question your judgement on Pirates, even if you’re calling me a fucking idiot and telling me to go die in a fire. )

[...] I haven’t even seen the movie yet (I’ll trust Phill Ryu’s review), but Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End has a really good soundtrack. The image above is linked to the iTunes page for the soundtrack – check it out! Posted in Music on May 27th, 2007 | [...]

http://www.mathgamehouse.com/images/pirates/worth.png

Actually, no, it didn’t, because my life isn’t worth money, neither is yours, or anyone else’s. There is no equation between the two. You are sick to think so.

AWESOME MOVIE!!!
AWESOME REVIEW!!!
very poor background images and images on this website… makes it VERY difficult to read the AWESOME review.

just use a simple white background, no fancy layout needed. your info is more important. Usability is the key to great design.

[...] [Phill Ryu - 10 Reasons Why Pirates 3 Actually Kicked Ass] [...]

[...] Written by Phillryu [...]

This movie was simply amazing…thank you for summing up what I have been trying to tell people. If people would just see the simple genius of this film…just AMAZING!

I dugg this review,…

When all 3 Pirate are out on DVD with all the extras and history videos it will be the finest jewel in my DVD collection.
It should be boxed in a chest or something cool.

I say TV spin off with the new little pirate!

Pirates 3 was amazing! And anyone that is too stupid to understand more than one plot line at a time obviously doesn’t read much either…Read a novel! Or else, stop boring us with your unbelievable levels of ineptitude. Fantastic film. Definitely Jedi.

10 Reasons Why Pirates 3 Actually Sucked

What are you people, like 12? Pirates 3 was eye-candy and that’s it. Watching it, I couldn’t help but attempt to make sense of the plot, and when I couldn’t, I found myself wondering if the film makers were trying to crap all over a brilliant series or if they just stepped in something.

#1. Geoffrey Rush. The head ass-kicker from Pirates 1 returns with a character completely stripped of what made him so full of ass-kickery in Pirates 1.

#2. Being Jack Sparrow. Just because you CAN have more than 1 Jack Sparrow in a scene, doesn’t mean you should do it – and more than once! The scenes of Jack talking to himself were so forced it was painful. It was nothing more than attempt to suck as much charm out of Johnny Depp in one movie as possible, but instead, it destroyed it.

#3. The Tell-Tale Heart. So the dude who completely owned Pirates 2 is turned into some rich pretty-boy’s errand dog for Pirates 3. Davy Jones is left under-used with little to do other than mope about the screen and say, “Are you afraid of death?” Do these film makers know ANYTHING about the real story of Davy Jones? I was hoping for a little resolution. Just a smidge.

#4. Backstabbing and plot twists over done. Come on, this is Pirates of the frickin Caribbean, not Survivor! If your head wasn’t spinning one hour into the movie you were either smoking crack or so enthralled with the pirate mania to notice that the movie’s plot was absurd.

#5. More pirates. Ever heard the phrase, “Too many cooks spoil the stew?” Well, that’s what destroyed the X-Men movies and nearly smothered Spider-Man. With so many swash-buckling heroes popping up, running around, doing their thing and making me dizzy, it’s a wonder the actors themselves didn’t look out at the audience and groan, “This sucks doesn’t it?”

#6. Keith Richards. What, you mean he actually had some screen time? I guess I blinked.

#7. The pirates universe. This movie has the wit and cunning of a child and expects you to believe that these are actually adults taking themselves seriously in a world that was once cool and was grounded in the slightest bit of reality. Here it plummets into an oblivion of weirdness and shiny dollar signs.

#8 Humor. It’s still there – for six-year-olds.

#9. CGI set pieces. What is with this director? He’s like a kid that just discovered masturbation and can’t control himself. There was so much CGI in this movie it’s a wonder the actors weren’t brush-sprayed with pixels.

#10. An ending that totally sucks. Was anyone but me hoping for some bit of resolution. Elizabeth, Will, Jack, Barbosa, Jones… not a single character’s arch had any resolve. In fact, the film makers decided to spend the last two minutes of the movie setting up a fourth one. Yip-frickin-yee. We get to go through this again.

Overall, I can’t decide which part of this movie completely ruined it for me: the close up of Johnny Depp’s nose, the attack of the 50 foot woman, or Keira Knightly, who’s Elizabeth character was taken so far out of character it didn’t feel like the same movie. I hate it when film makers take female leads and turn them into men just so the feminists in the audience can swoon at it and go, “God bless America.”

Sorry fellas, the movie spewed poop for 2 hours and 45 minutes and left me wishing I’d gone to the next theater to see Spider-Man 3.

[...] Kaikkitietävä Digg tuli tänään apuun: Phill Ryu -niminen bloggaaja julkaisi toissapäivänä kirjoituksensa "10 Reasons Why Pirates 3 Actually Kicked Ass". Ryu listaa elokuvan vahvuuksiksi mm. erinomaiset näyttelijät (totta, etunenässä Depp ja Geoffrey Rush), "Being Jack Sparrow" -kohtaus ja muutenkin absurdi juoni ja loputtomat juonenkäänteet (totta, aivot narikkaan, don’t care, tosin Depp ei ole ihan Malkovich), efektit, piraatit, huumori (sitäkin oli) ja varsinaisen listan ulkopuolelta soundtrack (Hans Zimmer rules). En olekaan siis täysin höpertynyt, on mahdollista sekä pitää POTC 3:sta, että pitää itseään suunnilleen asioihin epäilevästi ja kriittisesti suhtautuvana henkilönä. [...]

hey phil…
i can c da quote u said ‘I want a fight with hundreds of badass pirate ships firing on and boarding each other’…basicaly i think dis is al abt u n wat u thnk…movies dsnt hav to b da way u want.cux dis is not made jus for u…so al i can say is tht Pirates of the carribean is gr8

Phill, you are a god among men! Best review of the movie I’ve read yet. I’ve seen the film three times already with plans to see it again, and I come out of the theater with that glow you mentioned every time.

Feel free to check out my much less professional but equally enthusiastic review at either http://whedonesque.org/viewtopic.php?t=1178 or http://www.mania.com/member-reviews/54804/200.html.

[...] Hey, somebody else agrees with me about Pirates 3, and I agree with most of his statements (but not all). [...]

Awesome list man.

I’d rank Pirates 3 better than number 2, but the multiple Jack Sparrows bugged me quite a bit.

Pirates 3 was just plain HORRIBLE. It was three hours of painfully written dialogue, plastic acting, incomprehensible plot-twists and not enough action. Could ANYONE follow the story? I gave the movie the benefit of the doubt going in (I was a big fan of the other two) and was trying to convince myself it was better than the schlock I was witnessing on-screen but, about two hours in, I gave up and nearly walked out. Ugh…terrible, terrible, terrible… I could go into more detail but Jake summed it up perfectly.

[...] Others agree that Pirates 3 rocks! PhillRyu.com – 10 Reasons Why Pirates 3 Actually Kicked Ass [...]

I thought the movie was really good. I highly recommend watching the second one just before (a year is too long to remember the more subtle points of the plot) because if you do (like I did), you won’t feel like the plot for At World’s End was contrived or forced. At World’s End really is an extension of Dead Man’s Chest. This is sort of eluded to by Ryu when he says that he has more appreciation for the second one now that he’s watched the third. Great review!

I was bored about 1:45 into the movie, it did drag on longer then it had to. Why do we need to see explosions in slow motion for 5 freakin’ minutes? I couldn’t wait to get out of the theatre

Very objective post. Think the besides the structural problems of the movie, theres the demistifying of the world – most good fantasy movies take place in a world where they can get away with not explaining stuff thats happened in the past, is happening elsewhere in the world etc – you believe it cos with the rules the movie has presented us, it makes sense. POTC 1 was quite intimate in that regard – small story, big world. This one is f*cking gigantic story, where every single person living in it seems to come on screen.

Probably the absolute best way to complete one of the greatest movie series ever. The people who said this movie was terrible seem to me to be lacking intelligence. The story wasn’t really that hard to follow. If you don’t have knowledge or the first two movies, then you probably won’t be able to follow it. Dead Man’s Chest was basically a movie that set up all the action in the 3rd movie.

I know these people hate to sit in a theater for 3 hours, but you know what I hate? I hate it when there is a great story to tell and so much stuff is left out so the movie doesn’t exceed the two hour limit.

The multiple Jacks scenes were a way to show the psychological battle that he had with himself for being in purgatory alone. These scenes were important to show that Jack had more going on that just having to worry about his debt to Davy Jones.

Also, Hans Zimmer delivers a soundtrack that puts so much feeling and emotion into the movie. It’s so freakin awesome that honestly, if it were a silent movie with his masterpeices playing in the background, I would be satisfied.

Dead Man’s Chest had so many subliminal messages that it’s actually disgruntling to go back and watch it and wonder how you never saw all that stuff before.

And I wonder why so many people have such a big problem with CGI. CGI really shows the awesomeness of modern technology. I know you’re everyday westerns are simple, and that’s probably what these people are used to, but we’re living in the 21st century now. Things get better with time.

All and all, I was disappointed by one thing. I was disappointed that the movie had to end. I was willing to stay in that theater for another 3 hours. I think the best thing that Disney could’ve done was made this a regular TV series instead of making it a movie. I think it would be so much better to see an hour of this a week so that people will be satisfied that they won’t have to have numb tushies to give them yet another thing to complain about. You know, you knew the movie was three hours long. If you were going to have a problem with it, you should have waited for it to come out on DVD. And if there was someone out there dumb enough to not know it was going to be that long, that’s your problem, next time check it. Phil, nice freakin review, it puts everything into prospective nicely. People, I strongly advise you to not listen to these people who don’t like it, because obviously everyone feels different about everything. Give it a shot. If you like everything that Phil says, then you’ll love this movie.

The movie was a fun one time view, like most action adventure blockbusters with comic relief. But I don’t think I could find 10 reasons why I will ever watch this movie again.

Overall, I agree with this review and POTC 3 was not that bad, I was not bored for one second of the three-hour-long finale to the trilogy. And I’m a teenager who gets bored with video games…

I personally think that it was a bad idea for them never to give Tia Dalma/Calypso and Davy Jones any payoff. I was hoping for a moment when Davy Jones is dead or dying and he and her are together, finally, in peace. But no, they just cut off his tentacle-beard thing and threw him into the big eddie. And the 50-foot monster thing was just stupid, you do not EVER do that. And all just for her to turn into a bunch of little crabs and run away.

I did not mind the Will becoming captain of the crew. They left something out that would have really made me felt better about the ending where if the man would remain faithful for ten whole years, he would be freed. It would have brought great closure to their story and I am sad they left it out. They could have atleast had Calypso saying it over the final scene ten years later after the credits.

Well, that’s all I got. Good review.

[...] PhillRyu.com – 10 Reasons Why Pirates 3 Actually Kicked Ass Guess what? [...]

i love how they rise the characters to an emotional level, it shows they have grown and the connect a lot better with you, the feel a lot more human. i think that’s a reason #12 why the movie rocks.

Loved the movie, loved the twists and turns. Could have benefitted from 15-30 mins more, and more of everything, more kraken, more Ms. Swann, and more hijinks. Overall excellent way to end one trilogy, and start another. Thankfully no more Mr. Turner, but more Barbossa, more Sparrow, and maybe but probably not more Mrs. Turner.

finally someone who liked the movie!

Watching this film it was obvious that this’s already the 3rd part. But it’s rather thrilling anyway.

Watching it i feeled that’s already the 3rd part, but it’s rather thrilling.

I’m glad I ot so far behind on my Google Reader reading that I just now found your Pirates review. Brought me back to the best night of the movies this summer. Thanks for taking the time and care to spell it all out.

I LOVED IT!

I liked the crabs and some of the fantasy stuff at the beginning but was sorely disappointed with the lack of fantasy elements in the last two thirds. I was hoping the lady becoming a giant would lead to something cool but she didn’t really seem to do anything except create the maelstrom? Nothing in it, except maybe the crazy surreal stuff in the land of the dead, could beat the kraken scenes in the second movie.

Also, I didn’t really find myself rooting for any of the characters for much of the movie. We are supposed to like Knightly, Orlando, and Jack, and maybe some of the other characters? But everyone has their own agenda and we aren’t really given too much time to identify with any of them and feel their struggle. Everyone’s so quick to fight (but it’s not really fighting, because none of the characters are allowed to kill each other in the ways it would have turned out in real life). Not until the last twenty minutes or so, when we can finally root for Knightly and Bloom. But by then it is too late.

Backstabbing can be fun for a bunch of antiheroes but it doesn’t suit heroes. It usually results in the stabees’ death. We usually aren’t supposed to root for the guy that sold his soul to the devil for his own agenda.

Frustrating.

Jack should have had to fight the kraken from inside it.

Horrible, horrible movie.
Save your money, it’s a big knot of plotlines,
everyone is a pirate in this movie, Jack Sparrow has become less funny than Bush’ election and everyone switches sides once or twice.

“Oh, look, I’m working for the EIC now!”
“Oh, look, I changed into a noble pirate again!”

& where was Calypso in the end ?.. she just vanished!

Everyone is back where they started:
The two lovebirds are still not together, Jack Sparrow is again in a port with his drunk buddy and without a ship and Barbosa is captain of the Black Pearl again…

Now, Spongebob on the other hand… ~~

Amazing. Awsome. Absolutely incredible. Then again I am the biggest potc fan ever!! The movie kicked ass!!! I love your review!! Your the only critic I like .. I hate others so much!!!! Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow hottest man ever to walk the planet’s!!! .. I love him!!

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POTC3 sucked. possibly even more than Spider-man 3 which also sucked very much.
After watching two ’3′ movies that proved to be either vomit-inducing or just plain boring, I didn’t even bother going to watch Shrek the third.

i so love pirates of the caribbean more than anyone in the universe, and dont argue with me!! this movie was freakin awesome… the best part was that i went to the premiere with my crush!!! ahhh, it was a great movie!

Oh my god. You people are still going on about this movie? I thought the film’s poor revenue cemented the fact: Pirates 3 sucked. The revenue hardly covered the WASTED $300 mil budget. In fact, this movie sucked so much, I actually sold my DVD copies of Pirates 1 and 2, considering them an embarrassment to my collection just because they were guilty by association.

A… bit on the tardy side, I know, but great review Phil.
I was actually debating the movie, and remembered reading this review, so I went to find it again.

And in that context, a few months after the fact:

@Jake:

Fail, not to mention troll.

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